Why yes, I would say this week is off to a good start.
Today’s word-count was going to be 1043 before I decided to just round off the day’s efforts with a bit of work on Realm of the Myth, and obviously that was a good move on my part. I got almost as much done with it in 15 minutes as I got done with the co-writing project in 2 hours. To be fair, the co-writing project is mostly dialogue because it’s a screenplay, while Realm of the Myth is prose, but while it has historically been very difficult to write, today it was astoundingly easy, while my co-writing efforts were much harder to follow through with. I seem to have transferred my perfectionism from my own projects to the co-writing one, which tells me that it is very good to have a couple of projects going simultaneously, and for one of them to be a co-writing project.
Speaking of which: some time after I did some work on Realm of the Myth, and inspired by the fact that my friend finished the episode she was working on today, which was very awesome, I made another push with my episode, and ended up with an extra 5926 words. I mean, I’m almost done for the week. No, I will not stop for the rest of the week; I wanted to finish this episode, and I did. That’s just using motivation while I have it; that’s a nice bonus, and definitely something to appreciate – but it is not a reason to ease up on the rest of the week, because honestly, this was not that hard. That’s what motivation can do for you, and after getting used to making myself write even without motivation, having it to lean on tonight was a very welcome change, a bit of a reward. Though honestly, I’m realising that I am starting to learn how to generate my own motivation, rather than waiting for it to come to me, through doing this weekly words thing. It has really changed the way that I write, and is starting to change other things as well. Who would have thought that a weekly blog update could have such far-reaching effects?
A promising start to the week. And also, I might take it easy after today, because I’m still marking for the rest of the week – although to be fair, I was also marking last week and I hit over 10k words that week, so perhaps having more to do is actually getting me energised to do more. But my point is that, while I don’t want to use this huge surge of writing as an excuse, I think it’s okay for me to use it as a buffer. If I need to.
And right now, I don’t feel like I do need to.
First night back at Youthline doing the beginning of counselling training, which is exciting and energising – in retrospect. I was quite fatigued today, and definitely brought some of that with me to this first session, but looking back on it I feel very ready and enthusiastic to continue.
Sadly that fatigue affected my writing today – I actually did a ton of writing yesterday, but it was all planning out the next episode I’m writing, which I ended up writing two plans for. Revision, yay. I don’t count planning, but maybe I should, because it took up my entire day and did directly contribute to something I was going to write … I don’t know. I’m not counting it for now, because it’s so easy to just plan and never follow through, but I may have to think of making certain exceptions.
The fatigue was also exacerbated by anxiety for the group this evening; I always feel very anxious when I’ve got an event that I have to go to, or just a thing I am scheduled to do in general. It makes me fear for my free time, and I respond to this stress by squandering what free time I do have, which obviously doesn’t help. It’s a habit I’m working to try and break. And I did do fairly well today; I got my marking done, and I did make a start on my episode. And to be fair, counted or not, the fact of the matter is that I did do a ton of writing yesterday, over most of the day, which I think took it out of me more than I expected.
I wasn’t expecting to be quite this true to my word that the huge burst of writing on Sunday wouldn’t put me off for the rest of the week, but I’m certainly not complaining.
I’m still tweaking my episode plan, but I’m tweaking it in my head as I write it now, rather than trying to pin it all down on paper. Should probably make some notes at some stage.
It also occurs to me that I haven’t even considered doing Camp Nanowrimo – though the reason is also fairly obvious: Weekly Words basically gets me to do my own Nanowrimo every month. I might join up anyway, just so that I can enter my word-count for this month at the end and see if I “win”. I “won” last November because I decided to count a whole bunch of writing that I wasn’t planning on counting, but now that I have a narrower range of types of writing that I am willing to count towards my weekly word-count goal, I am curious to see how it compares to the 50k goal of Nanowrimo. I mean last month I was just under 40k, so that’s an answer in and of itself, but still, it was only one month. Might be fun.
Also might be pointless as I already have my own metric for success writing-wise and it’s working really well – and in the end, that’s the whole point of Nanowrimo: to keep yourself on track. Which I have been doing without Nanowrimo.
Without this co-writing project, on the other hand … I am pretty certain this initiative would not have been nearly as successful. The sad fact of the matter is that none of my own projects appeal to me as much as this co-writing project – which isn’t that sad, because I am writing this co-writing project – but I can’t help wishing I could get the same kind of satisfaction out of one of my own projects. I think I have identified the problem, though: I don’t think about what I want to happen. I think about what would be neat to have happen, but not what I actually want to happen. I don’t give myself enough to invest in. So I’m going to start working specifically on that. Mostly I think it’s going to have to come from character-arcs and interesting personalities, because that’s how I tend to get invested in stories, apart from good structure.
Speaking of which, I am really interested to actually start reading some craft books, for the first time ever, in my life. I think I’ll do a little googling on that tonight. And also keep chipping away at that Realm of the Myth scene I started working on, have fallen off the wagon with, but still think I can get done now that I’ve started. Also a good way for me to start getting particular and deliberate with what I want to have happen in my own projects, instead of just fantasising about what, hypothetically speaking, could be kinda cool.
Although I will totally keep doing that as well, because cool things are, well, cool.
Wow, what is with this week? I’ve had to do more marking per day than last week, I spend a huge amount of energy making not one but two different plans for the co-writing episode I’m doing, and I’ve been waking up later than I normally do. Yet somehow the writing is just pouring out of me.
And that’s the way I like it.
I can’t predict when or why this happens, so I’ll just enjoy it while it is happening. Still haven’t gone back to my Realm of the Myth scene, but I might tinker with that a bit tomorrow when I finish up the final few assignments I need to mark.
I might also tinker with something else, because much as I have enjoyed what I’ve done with that scene so far, actually making myself write Realm of the Myth is proving to be the most effective method I’ve ever found of making myself enthusiastic to move the fuck on and write something else, to pour all the energy and time and dedication that I put into Realm of the Myth into something more rewarding, something more enjoyable – something better for me. Which, I guess, makes total sense. A lot of problems prove much less resilient than we think they are if we can find a way to confront them directly, and my problem for so long has been trying to decide whether or not it’s worth my time trying to write Realm of the Myth. I’m still committed to at least finishing this one scene and seeing how that turns out, but I’m also actually really thankful that I feel, very viscerally, that it is time to move on. I’ve wanted to feel it, ever since I caved the first time I gave up on it. Well, second time. I have a bad track record of giving up on this project. But I think part of that is because I never actually sat down and wrote the scenes and ideas that I actually had. It’s so easy to distract myself by making up new things to try and hold everything together, but these ideas and scenes keep recurring for me, no matter what version of the story it is currently in my head. These are the core foundations of Realm of the Myth, and in finally examining and interacting with them … well, I’m seeing what they’re really made of, what they can withstand.
And whether it’s something I want to continue to commit to, after all this time.
I have finished the first act of my episode, and also holy shit the past 3 days I have clocked in at over 3k words. I am very not unhappy about this.
I went back and read what I’d written of one of my other projects to try and get some motivation to keep writing it. I … kind of? found some, but most of it was reminding me that I wanted to start it over again. I might do it, I might not.
And since I’m writing this the day after, let’s just cut to the chase and tally up the weekly total.
I realised today that I haven’t worked this hard or consistently on a writing project since Tallulah. I think I’ve actually worked on this thing for about as long as it took to finish the first draft by now. And I still wish any of my own projects were as easy – or fun – to write as this co-writing thing. I just am not having the ideas. I know I want to move on from my older ones, just not what I want to move on to.
But, dude, whatever, I am doing so much goddamn writing, and I’m still enjoying it. I will make an effort from next week to work on some of my other projects. Might pick one a week or something, and just see how it feels to actually work on them. Got a lot of good data from going back to write Realm of the Myth already – yes, that data is that I want to write other things, but that is valuable.
I dunno I don’t really have anything to say I’m tired.
Must have been all the writing I’ve been doing.
I’ve done a lot of writing.
Because I’m awesome.