Camp Nanowrimo 2016: not convinced it should be quite this hard

I’m seriously not enjoying writing this witch book.

Like … I’m really not enjoying it.

I mean it’s a great idea. I’m not going to tell you what it is because I’m weird, you can go look at the synopsis on my Camp Nano profile and stuff, it’s all out there, but anyway, it’s a great idea but I just have no passion for it. I have so many projects like that: awesome concept that really excites me but beyond that absolutely nothing to recommend itself on. I have no stakes in this story. I just don’t like it yet. And that begs the question of when, if ever, I will start liking it, and what I have to do to get there, because right now I have zero idea of what the answers might be.

It’s always a weird position to be in to wish you liked something more than you do. Like this book, and its admittedly very-obvious-but-that’s-what-makes-it-so-good premise, which just isn’t enough for me. And it’s frustrating because I know that if it was enough this could very well be a game-changing idea. (Yes, my ego is exactly this big, shut up.) Or at the very least, it would be a cool thing to have exist. It is a thing that I think deserves to exist, and so because it’s my idea, I should be the one to write it.

Except I don’t want to.

And, I mean, it wouldn’t be a problem if it didn’t feel like I was squandering these amazing ideas that I have bouncing around in my head, just waiting to be capitalised on. But it is a problem. And I just … ugh.

Ugh I say!

What’s the solution here? Is there one? Do I just permit myself to feel like I’m squandering these magnificent ideas and move on and do something that I actually enjoy? Or find a way to force myself to find enjoyment in it? Somehow? I have no idea how! It’s hard! It shouldn’t be this hard! Why is it this hard?!

The other issue is that, much as I like the idea for the beginning of this book, so far I don’t like the reality of it. So I guess I could try re-writing it in a way that I do like …

Again, I really feel it should not be this hard to write a book that I ostensibly enjoy. Or should enjoy. I think it’s the idea I have that I should like it conflicting with the reality that I really, really don’t. But I guess it’s worth at least attempting to make it work. I just have to try and identify what it is that’s missing or what I’m not including that I really want to include (or what I am including that I don’t want to), somehow.

This was just meant to be silly fun in the vein of my silly YA werewolf novel, which I did enjoy, very much. I just can’t seem to get myself back into that mindset. Maybe because …

Hmm. Well that does seem obvious.

Unlike my silly YA werewolf novel, this witch novel has been bouncing around in my head for the past couple of years-ish. Therefore, there are a lot of preconceived ideas that I have of what ought to happen in this story. And having realised/remembered this literally as I wrote it down, I now realise that it’s exactly what’s going wrong.

So therefore, the solution is to start over again. Because this is just really, really not working. I can’t stick to these ideas (which already have no coherent structure to them and are more or less totally isolated from each other) and also explore the possibilities of this story. And I’d rather explore, because while it’s fun to fantasise about cool stuff that could be written, it’s not only better to give yourself a clean slate to work with, but also more fun, certainly if you have some general guidelines to follow that are not specific scenes that you absolutely must find a way to shoehorn in.

So okay. I’m gonna try restarting, and just … restarting. I hope it goes well, because I really do love this concept.

Otherwise maybe I’ll just take a break from writing for a while, which would include this blog, because this is a writing blog, much as I sometimes wish it was more of an all-purpose ranty online journal. I owe it to myself after 16 years of strict adherence to my 13-year-old self’s pipe dream of becoming an author to branch out and try new things.

I guess we’ll see.

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