Hard Decisions

I turned in my MA chapter yesterday, the feedback I got today was very positive, and I have a whole month to finish the next one, a lot of material for which I have already written. Academia-wise, writing is good.

In all other ways-wise, not so much.

It is already the 5th of April, and thus the 5th day of Camp Nanowrimo, and I still haven’t picked a project. This is mostly because my plan of focusing entirely on my MA chapter to the exclusion of all else and then letting the rest of my brain magically conjure up the obvious answer as to what I should write for Camp Nano did not, in fact, work. But, having written this post to this point, I think I’ve made my decision: it’s going to be the high fantasy erotica pseudo-parody. If I’m gonna write a bad first draft of something, it might as well be a bad first draft of what is also probably a bad premise.

There is, however, a problem with this project that has kept me from starting it for the past few years, which is that I can’t write erotica for shit. And I’ve tried. And I went back and looked at some of it tonight and let’s just say that it was not the confidence-booster I was hoping for.

Why then, you might ask, is this even a project of mine to begin with? The answer is simple: the thought of combining the ostentatious, self-congratulatory pretentiousness of high fantasy with really cheesy low-brow smut – on purpose – is hysterical to me, and as they say, if you want something done … but the thing is that I want it done well, and, well …

Then again, nobody’s first time is ever that great. So maybe I just have to take the hit and accept that, for now at least, however much effort I put into this thing it will probably not come across the way that I want it to. But I guess that’s not a good enough reason to not do it, so … ugh. I’m actually doing this. I’m embarrassed already. Nowhere to go but up, I suppose.


… that wasn’t … I wasn’t trying to …

Oh well, maybe I can do this after all.


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