You know why? Because all I ever think about these days is goddamn symbolism. I’ve become the very thing I swore to destroy: I have become a film director who cares more about flashy visuals than story. And before we get into this debate about story vs aesthetic, there is no debate, because in film aesthetic IS story. So when I say shitty film directors care more about flashy visuals than storytelling, I mean that their flashy visuals are filler, not that they should be less focused on visuals in general.
What was I talking about? Oh, right, myself. So yeah anyway, fuck symbolism, because thinking about symbolism all the goddamn time has detracted from me thinking about storytelling. Tallulah has suffered greatly for this, because rather than focusing on how to tell a better story, my thinking-space is now clogged with “man it’d be so cool if X happened because it’s symbolic of Y”, yeah you know what else would be cool is telling the fucking story so that you don’t NEED symbolism to get the fucking point across, FUCK.
I’m gonna write some Tallulah today; I expect it to be shitty and unsatisfying, but goddammit it needs to be done. You just fall out of touch with your stories if you leave them alone for too long, and that’s all it is, and it’s so simple yet so vital to the storytelling process: you must stay in contact with your story. Sure, take a break. We all need breaks. Come back refreshed and revitalised with a new outlook and a new plan. But come back. I have yet to learn how to properly take a break from a project, and as a result I also have yet to learn how to return to it. I don’t think, though, that taking another break and giving myself a “do-over” with Tallulah will help anything. I’ve spent too long on the benches, so whether or not I’m able to come back “properly” I do just need to come back, get shit going, and then try again next time.
I mean what’s the worst that’ll happen? I’ll write a shitty book? When has that ever hampered anybody’s success?