The next step: Tallulah’s Progress P2

I wrote 1407 new words of Tallulah because the words that were already there just kinda bored me. I am saying that this is fine, and so it is.

I wonder if my planning is a little too detailed. I’ve lamented the way planning can kill spontaneity numerous times on this blog, particularly in the early days, but I got over that, more or less. What I’m worried about currently is that, emboldened by the way “planning” leads to a lot of summarising, I use it as an excuse to overload on information and end up putting in too many things, just because I “can”. I say “can” in quotation marks because there’s nothing actually stopping me from overloading on ideas in long-form, but my point is that the summary form of planning may be too deceptive for me, and that I need to adapt my planning habits accordingly.

Regardless: I did shit today, and not only that but I did it in addition to topping yesterday’s impressive bout of study (read: skim-reading with no concern for actually remembering anything), and going for a bike ride for the first time in 3 weeks, so today has been a victory all around. I’m liking this new trend. I would love to be able to write about it more articulately and explore its significance in the wider context of my biography up to this point, but I think when you’re going through it there’s just not much to examine. You’re just living it – and really, given my toxic habit of journaling my entire life as a teenager to the point where I’d think about doing things with my life just so that I could write about them, spending so much energy trying to articulate the signficance of my life that I stopped living it, that’s probably no bad thing. There’s a lot I’ll probably never get to write about – like the seconds leading up to death – but life is not for chronicling. It’s for living. And if those are my choices, I’m fine with the latter.


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