I’m in a meddlesome mood and I need to keep myself under control.
Meddling is one of the deadly sins of writers stuck in a rut, and right now that writer is me. Tallulah is calling for my attention, but I’m not convinced that giving it is the best decision. When I decided late last year that it was time for A Break, I wanted to go back to the original idea that inspired me, to explore the possibilities and get away from the story that I’d written, a product of my doing all the things I swore I would not do. I haven’t really done that. I’ve got another New Idea for how I could tell this story, and it’s not the original idea, and the thing is that I do regret not following through with that original idea, not seeing what would have come of it. But having said that, I do like the new idea, and so now I’m conflicted and indecisive because whichever one I go with is going to take time and energy to explore, and it’s time and energy I feel, on principle, should be used for something with a much clearer trajectory for goal-accomplishment. Kind of like how I’m thinking of starting a Bachelor of Science next semester instead of going through to Masters with Media, because I have no fucking clue how I’d make my media qualifications financially viable, and that is a thing that I need to consider. I’m thinking Computer Science is going to be a fairly safe option if I want a job at some point in my life. I could be wrong, but that applies to everything, really. I may as well be wrong about something I’m interested in.
Back to writing – I can feel myself itching to just do something, for its own sake, and I know that this can lead to decisions one soon after regrets having made. So either I need to take a longer break from Tallulah, or this is the point where I start doing pros and cons and, as I’ve said, I fear that it’ll just be an exercise in messing things up for me later down the line, or just an utterly unproductive undertaking.
As such I think I’ll do some work on my semi-parody, semi-straight YA Urban Fantasy thing. I will do this because I got up to a point with it where the only way to go forward was through an encounter with one of the Great Tropes. I don’t know if it has a name, but it’s the trope where the Hero is brought into the Special World and, for lack of a better analogy, is Sorted. I don’t have a Sorting Hat stand-in, because it would be too easy, but I do have a Hero who is brought into the SpecialWorld and now the denizens of that World have to make provisions for them – or not. I have to think about this logistically, the pros and cons and consequences of allowing the Hero into the Special World, and somehow get it all Right and Not Leave Anything Out of my considerations, nor my writing. This is where I have to be Better Than Other Writers who are all Lazy Talentless Hacks.
I suppose you could say I’m not exactly thrilled at the prospect.
That is, until I decide that I’m actually going to be a Lazy Talentless Hack myself and just make the characters do whatever I find the most entertaining to write, and whatever I find the most convenient to my intentions with the plot. That probably means that they’re all going to act like morons because I haven’t thought it through, and I have huge anxiety about being Outed as some kind of unoriginal fraud, and that’s exactly why I have to write this scene exactly like that. Do the thing that frightens you the most and all that.
I may possibly have some privilege in being afraid of really trivial bullshit that has little to no bearing on real life. Possibly.
But, we must all work with what we have, and I have some seriously faulty in-world logic to write. And hopefully it will keep me from meddling with things that I do actually care about not messing up, such as Tallulah, which I’ve been working on for three years now and am still only just beginning.
That’s probably something I need to look into as well. If I can’t mess it up, then can I ever actually get it right?
This is getting way too deep. Silly YA nonsense it is.