Babystepping

That could mean all sorts of things. It doesn’t, but it could.

After realising that I’m not a Writer, I got a whole ton of great story ideas. That tends to be how it goes, for whatever reason – I guess a release of tension from giving up certain restrictions you give yourself on what you are and are not permitted to do within the guidelines of whatever identity you’re trying to sustain the life of. Anyway, lots of ideas, and the ones I’m the most interested in right now are ones I came up with at about 2am, wrote down because that’s what I do, and then didn’t really look at again. Well, I went and looked again, and my interest has been re-piqued.

And they’re not particularly good ideas; one of the ones I’m the most excited about exploring is a gender-swapped Twilight – so Beautiful Creatures, basically, only this time actually written by a man about a man. Because that’s never been done before. This highly original premise will undoubtedly lend renewed credibility to the woefully underrepresented straight cisgender Western male experience in popular literature. And also it’s a well-known fact that any and all media produced by men contains no problematic issues concerning gender roles and sexuality, so if anything it’s my moral duty to write this book.

Yes.

I think the reason I like this idea is because it’s not clever, it’s not subversive, and it’s not something I have to think about in order to get a handle on it, nothing I have to question myself about to make sure I have all the fact straight. It’s pretty dry, to be perfectly honest, and after failing to write my designated Nanowrimo project even though I had what I thought was a solid grasp of what it was about, I think this story may be what I need for whatever metamorphic identity transition I’m currently going through. It’s such a simple, clear, self-explanatory premise that it’s almost not worth writing – but that’s kind of why I want to write it. I want to reconnect with the part of me that is happy to tell stories I already know, because I already know them, and want to hear them again.

And also it just feels like it would be fulfilling.

So this is my new writing project, because I may not be a Writer, but I do still wanna write. I may give it up after a few hours and never touch it again; I may write it through to completion. I don’t know, and I don’t want to try and predict it. It’s easy, it seems entertaining, and I have nothing to lose by trying it out.

Baby steps. That’s the thing I’m trying to teach myself right now; I have big ambitions and huge conceptual structures, outlines and ideological overlays, but there’s a lot of doing that goes into getting shit done. And maybe I can’t do as much as I feel I should be able to. So I’m gonna try and train myself out of being such an overreaching perfectionist, and write a really horrid Twilight ripoff. And if I can get that right – and I can – then I can most definitely only go up from there.

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