So whoever the person is who gave me 35 of my FORTY VIEWS today – thank you. That’s more than I get most months. This is very exciting. I get to see my monthly stats bar curve shoot up higher than I was expecting, which very stupidly does wonders for my ego.
It is currently 5:12 a.m. as I’m writing this, and I’ve done no writing today, unlike most days. It feels fine. I’m still settling into the massive, world-shaking revelation I had the other day and feeling out what’s good to do with this new drive. Today the answer seemed to be playing World of Warcraft, so I did that. It wasn’t a bad move. And yesterday I didn’t even touch World of Warcraft, and that felt good as well. It feels good to have both the desire to sink an entire day into the game and the disinterest that allows me to spend an entire day doing anything but play it. It feels right.
And perhaps because I’m in a liberated kind of mood, the little High Fantasy kick I got a few days ago after picking up a book I bought about two years ago and finding out that it’s actually quite cool is starting to snowball – as so often happens I have no story to go with the ideas I’m getting, but something is taking shape; something, some ready-packaged concept is stalking behind the censor-fence erected out of habit in my mind, looking for a break in the chain-link barrier to slip through and wreak havoc on its complacent captors. And it’s not an innovative or “original” idea in the slightest; it is what Arundhati Roy calls a Great Story. It makes sense to me in terms of the stories I’m the most fond of, the connection that I have with stories like Star Wars and The Lord of The Rings and A Wizard of Earthsea. Predictable? For the most part, certainly. Disappointing? Hell no. So whatever this story of mine turns out to be, I’m looking forward to it breaking out, hopefully in the near future.
This happened a couple of years ago, or something like it: I decided to totally give up on what is now my post-Nano project after “not writing” it for 12 years – I’d written tons, of course, but nothing that “counted”; I hadn’t written the story, just notes that kept growing and changing direction with no clear purpose other than to be something new, something I had just thought of that was, like, really cool, and that’s not good planning. It’s good stream-of-consciousness venting, and I’m sure there’s a ton of ideas I could go back and harvest from those notes now, but you don’t get a story out of it, as I’ve discovered. Anyway, my point is that upon giving it up it was kind of like splitting an atom: all of this creative energy seemed to explode out of the rift and launch me into a storm of ideas that, if I’m being honest, I’ve kind of wasted, and I regret it. I may now be finding my way to a good home for them with this High Fantasy kick and Great Story lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce – in the best possible way.
Until then, I think this post-Nano project is officially on hiatus. I just can’t be bothered. When I can be bothered, it’ll come back. What I think I’ve realised is that, while writing is most definitely work, it’s only that way if you want to do it for a living. I did up until a couple of days ago – now I have no one thing I want to settle on, so trying to make myself pick something and stick to it just for the sake of having one thing to focus on seems like a complete waste of time. I’m sure something will stick – hopefully more than just one something – and then I’ll stick with it. But until then, I’m just gonna flop around for a bit. Like a Magikarp. And once I hit level 20 I’ll become a Gyarados, and that will most definitely be worth it.