I mean, I don’t see this as a big deal or a problem or anything. It is what it is. I hate writing first chapters about as much as I love writing final chapters, and my current designated Nano project is no different. This first chapters is turning out to be a very High Fantasy first chapter, replete with world-building info-dumps and taking a really long fucking time to get to the goddamn point. This is because I decided that I had to introduce Other Characters before I could truly get the ball rolling, and then because I’m doing the smart thing and using real-life experiences to inform some of these characters’ relationships I ended up wanting to avoid even introducing certain characters at all just to put off certain things ever happening to begin with, so now there’s nothing actually happening in this chapter other than more hollow showing-off of world-building. And I know and firmly believe that a first draft is allowed to be utter shit, but that doesn’t help if I don’t even want to write it to begin with, and such is the case with this project right now.
Also my other project … just kinda feels like it fits this premise a bit better. The setting and everything. Also there are characters there that I actually want to write about.
The character I’m putting off introducing, by the way, is based on Wickham. And that’ll be obvious to anybody who knows me and my history who ends up reading this thing; it’s not supposed to be a secret or anything. It’s meant to be me doing whatever the fuck I want because it’s my story and my life and it belongs to me, goddammit. The only issue is that all of those experiences of mine really fucking sucked, and it’s uncomfortable and mildly anxiety-inducing to even consider writing them to begin with.
Having said that, I just thought of a fantastic way to introduce this character and I might go and do that now, just so that it’s done. But part of that is because it’s something I’ve already written – this character has been in existence ever since we started preparing to move to the house we currently live in, and I managed to write some uncomfortable stuff with them during our pre-move prep. I probably wrote about it here at some point. Trying to think of new things for this character to say or do is the hard part.
Which might mean that I haven’t quite claimed this character as my own creation. I mean any good villain – yeah spoilers he’s a villain – should be a character you look forward to writing because they’re a good villain, right? Or maybe I’m just scrabbling for an answer as to why I’m uncomfortable writing this character when I don’t really need one. It makes sense that I feel uncomfortable. Even now having vented about it for 477 words and subsequently come up with a few great ideas about how to improve this chapter and get things back on-track, I’m still uncomfortable.
And more to the point: I want to write the other thing.
This other thing is my “shitty YA thing” I was originally going to work on for Nanowrimo. And I mean fuck it, maybe I’ll write both. The whole point of Nano for me was getting away from Tallulah, so why not? If focusing on writing one different book is helpful, shouldn’t working on two different books be doubly helpful?
Although the other point of doing Nano was to prove to myself that I could sit my ass down and get shit done, and that consequently I’d come through with a completed zero draft, take the lessons learnt through writing it back with me when I go back to Tallulah and try to solve the storytelling problems I’m having with it. If I’m trying to write two books at once, either it’s going to be a long wait to get back to Tallulah because I’l have to finish at least one of them first, or neither of them are going to be finished and I won’t have the perspective I was hoping to gain before returning to it.
It also happens that I stopped writing the “shitty YA thing” because I got stuck with that as well, and that point is where it’s been left at. But I do want to write it. Or parts of it anyway.
Or maybe I just want to read the rest of Sweep. I probably just want to read the rest of Sweep. It gives me hope for humankind.
In either case, I’m kinda stuck with what I’m writing, and I suppose that means that today will be one of those days where I have to force myself to do the writing or it won’t get done. And that’s not so bad. I have recently discovered, much to my surprise, that I like Slipknot (or at least Corey Taylor), so I might also make a playlist to facilitate this forced writing.
And now, an hour and a half later, I’ll see if I can’t go do that.