No turning back, except for that one time

“One time”. Yes.

Today and yesterday, I was perusing some older content of Tallulah and came across a piece of feedback. It pertained to a part of the story that gave me headaches and I ended up scrapping as a result; it didn’t work with the characters involved and ended up as a plot-hole.

However, things have changed, and reading that piece of feedback made me realise that, actually, if I wanted to, not only could I fit that story-element back in and not have it be a plothole – it could actually make the story better.

But only if I changed a whole bunch of other shit.

Having just gotten to a point where I was fairly happy to stop the story where it was, lock it in and just make do with what I had, this is a bit frustrating, in an existential sense. So I’ve been spending the past hour-ish trying to reconcile that “finalized” vision for my story with this new, rather radical reworking of it …

All things considered, it’s not going too bad.

The fact that I’m also trying to fit in time to do research for my two big research essays at the same time means that I have to be really careful about how I plan this thing out, because I always get caught up in my plans and hypotheticals and lose sight of the story in its current form. I wanted to make some changes anyway, and I think these are good changes that make the story stronger.

But it’s a lot of changes. A lot of new moving parts to get used to. It’s a time thing as well; I’ve said many times that I just want this whole thing to be over and done with, no matter how much purpose it gives me. And in fact if I stop to think about how much I rely on having this project to motivate me to keep going in general – well, now’s not a good time to think about that.

My point is that I want this story to be the best that it can be, and re-introducing this abandoned plot-element does seriously have the potential to give this story the last bit of kick it needs to start feeling really coherent, to tie everything together. But it’ll take time. And I don’t know how much more time I want to put aside for this thing. I want it to be right, but I also want it to be one of many stories I get to work on in my life with the kind of focus and commitment that they deserve, rather than an energy-consuming black hole.

So yeah. Not sure.

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