Actually amazing

I … what happened? I’m reading my WIP immediately after having just finished reading it and … it’s like I’m finally seeing it for what it is, rather than what it represents, what it could be, what I wish it was instead. It’s so startling. I literally saw something I’d written and thought: “Huh, that’s new”, before concerning myself with the implications of a hard-copy manuscript that may have somehow updated itself.

I’m reading it – or, more accurately, I’m reading it. I am interacting with what it is, rather than what I think about it. Which is rubbish, in purely realistic terms, but that’s how it feels. It feels like this is something I wrote because I wanted to, not a story.

I really appreciate it.

It’s like I said last time: it’s reading my efforts rather than some kind of finalized whole, and that’s really valuable. It feels more real. And yes all reality is perception blah blah blah my point is that this is a new perspective and so far it’s being really helpful. And the more I get familiar with this manuscript, the more I’ll know what to do with it.

I think that’s good. I think this is what I’m meant to be doing. Not plotting, not revising, not speculating – getting familiar. Getting perspective. It is astounding how much my perception of this manuscript has changed in, what, a week? A few days? What the hell happened? It’s like I peeled off the plastic cover and am now touching the actual surface; the last readthrough was like removing the skin off the milk, and if your milk has skin on it then don’t fucking drink it but it’s a metaphor it’s not going to be perfect. I see it the way I’d hoped I’d see it from the start, and whatever the reason for that is, I’m glad.

Of course if it’s just me seeing what I want to see, then there’s bias – but then, when do I ever not see what I want to see, if everything is perception? I’m seeing something different this time, and that’s valuable enough in and of itself. I guess this means that repetition does not mean stagnation or boredom by default. That’s good to know.

Well, it’s not going to read itself …

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