Progress? What’s that?

GARGH.

I need another wall-planner, it seems. Having a wall-planner actually seems to keep me on the straight and narrow. I need some other kind of measurement now though, seeing as I’m no longer working with a word-count, and that makes it difficult because I don’t know what measurement to use anymore. ‘Did revision’ is kind of … broad.

I guess this is when I break out the deadlines again.

I generally hate deadlines, but they do work. I think that’s part of why I hate them.

I had the idea that I’d get these character-arc maps done by the end of last week, and I got one done. It was very helpful (actually not being sarcastic, it was very helpful), but it’s so much work, and it’s so repetitive, and having the narrow focus of one character’s arc out of the network of character arcs that comprise my story skews the focus – the way events play out might not make sense if the story’s just about X character’s interactions with Tallulah, but then again the story’s not just about X character’s interactions with Tallulah, and it can be a little difficult keeping myself from being hypnotised by the elaborate illusion I’ve crafted for myself.

That’s not really the main difficulty of this exercise though; and the repetition of reading over things multiple times isn’t all bad – it gets me to see the same chapter in different ways, because I’m focusing on different aspects each time I read through, and that is interesting. The main difficulty is in keeping my notes concise, because I am very used to picking things apart – deconstruction and all that; it is a useful skill, and especially with editing, but it’s hard to switch it off. I’ve somewhat managed to compensate by making notes as I go, and as always, always take notes when you write, but it’s still a slog, and of course ends up taking longer than it would if I could just focus on doing one thing at a time.

It’s venting, really. I see something, hate it because it’s bad, and then have to articulate said hatred or I’ll just be thinking about it bitterly for the next however long.

No. That’s not really why. I do it because I’m afraid that I’ll forget it later on and it might actually be helpful. Which is, like, legit. First impressions aren’t always wrong.

In any case I’m going to do as much as I can with this second character-arc mapping – it’s the biggest one by far – and then finish reading the second Sweep omnibus so I can return it to its owner tomorrow. I’m sort of on the edge with this series; I liked it initially because I like Morgan, I like the Wicca stuff and I liked the fact that Cal was not just your typical YA paranormal romance bad boy love-interest, he was also framed by the narrative – in very subtle ways – as actually being bad. I appreciated this, but now it’s getting to the point where it feels like maybe it was all just wishful thinking on my behalf and he’s never going to get called up on it because it’s actually not wrong within the logic of the story and just ugh I don’t know what to think. I’m trying not to worry about it but I just really need this, after so many Edwards and Jaces and apparently even my beloved Peeta, which doesn’t add up for me, although I was easily enamoured with him enough to not notice …

I need to see one of these controlling, manipulative jackasses to get their karmic comeuppance. I need to believe that some YA authors are aware that the way male leads are often written in these narratives serves to normalise toxic, abusive behaviour from men towards women and that they’ll do something about it. I need that.

Regardless, I certainly like Morgan enough to keep reading, and I’m currently hoping she and Bree will find a way to make up. And I don’t believe that Bree was lying about her and Cal sleeping together. That might just be me being vindictive but whatever I HATE CAL I WANT HIM TO DIE if he does turn out to be as awful in the story’s eyes as he is in mine then I’ll actually really like him as a character. We’ll see.

NO SPOILERS.

And as for that deadline …

The 2nd of March. I will have finished all character-arc maps, read the manuscript a second time and have come up with an outline for the second revision by the 2nd of March.

I also have this idea to start waking up at like 7am every morning and going for a walk to start off the day before coming back to write for a few hours to prepare myself for a routine I can get into while studying and BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA oh my god I should go back to writing comedy.

2nd of March. Let’s do this.

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