Fresh, because I have been exercising more and feel, well, cleaner. Something to do with oxygen, sunlight and blood circulation I assume. Also showers.
Pressed, because I’ve been reorganising this blog and its posts and categories all damn day and I’m still not done. Nowhere near done. I thought I could whittle it down to, like, three different categories, and then realised that that was not going to work, and now after reading some stuff about how writer’s blogs are a bad idea, I’m wondering why I’m even bothering to begin with.
And honestly, I’d like to just have A Blog, in which I write mostly about Me. I’m not just a writer; I am many things, including a fan of various things and a critic of all things in time. But then again, this was originally my Writing Blog, and it gave me a wonderful sense of peace to have it there, separate from my messy, embarrassing, far too honest Tumblr blog, which I’m sure there’s an old link to somewhere in my archives if you really want to check it out.
The one good thing that’s been happening is that I’ve been writing at least 1k words every day this year, including the blog post I wrote on the 1st of January. I also got a trial version of Scrivener, and I should probably back it up to Dropbox, but other than that it’s wonderful, I don’t know why I ever used anything else, other than the fact that I didn’t know Scrivener existed and had no money to buy it anyway. If you wanna get technical.
And I’m writing that old never-going-to-work-out project with those 1k words per day, and it’s going well. It’s messy and giving me pause as I try to deconstruct my own intentions, but that’s what first drafts are for. I’m going to kick up Tallulah starting tomorrow, or possibly next Monday, depending on how I go. But soon, anyway. And at some point I’ll get this blog organised the way I want.
I just don’t know what way that is yet. It would be a lot easier if Tumblr was slightly simpler to work with, because that’s my ‘real blog’ where I rant about things that annoy me and do deconstructive, probelmatising analysis on media texts that aren’t books. I used to write about writing there, until I decided that my writing was a precious and sacred thing and deserved an extra layer of respect and consideration from me and segregated it from the horrible underclass blathering of my plebian Id.
And now I’m thinking: well, y’know, maybe I should apply that to all aspects of my life. And guys, I appreciate the hell out of you for sticking with me, giving me the odd like or comment or whatnot and making me feel like I matter, I truly mean that. This blog has been one of the most positive experiences of my adult life and I’m thankful for it, and it’s been a writer’s blog, one of those blogs that ‘isn’t a good idea’. So messing with a working formula is not high on my to-do list.
But at the same time – it’s restrictive. And I don’t just care about writing, and reading books and writing my own books are not the only things that inspire me to write, to tell stories. That’s my whole life. My whole life gives me some kind of inspiration.
So I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But something needs to change. I feel blocked-off, like I’ve got a spiritual blockage in one of my soul-arteries. Something needs to shift. I need a clearer focus. And I think that maybe it’s time for Draft 2 of this blog, and of my blogging career in general.
But I don’t want to make any definite statements yet, because again, I just don’t know what I want. I will clean up this blog as it is and stick with what I’ve got, as that’s what’s worked for me in terms of writing novels so far, and see where that takes me.
It does feel good to be writing this story, though. I do know that. So I think I’ll keep doing it. If it’s somewhat bearable, I may even throw it up here for you all to read. Or even submit it for publishing, after I’ve done justice to Tallulah.