Getting physical

So my wonderful mother printed out my revised version of Tallulah so that I can work with it in hard-copy, which will hopefully help me get some distance from it by swapping mediums rather than waiting. I haven’t really done revisions on hard-copy documents before, except for way back in the day when I was a kid drawing comics and would turn my scribble-outs into part of the environment or whatever, so I’m not really sure what to do with this hard copy. And for that reason I might not actually do anything, and just read it. I mean yeah I’ll take notes, but probably on the computer. And actually I may not even take notes at all this first time around.

I tried with the digital copy, but got so wrapped-up in the writing that I ended up spending around two hours just re-writing parts of the first chapter. I kept those changes just because I think they could work in the future, but in a different document, because the writing style is not the point right now.

Though even just reading that first chapter again, immediately after finishing revision, highlighted a whole bunch of gaping plotholes that I hadn’t really noticed before, or at least not to this extent. But again, that had nothing to do with the re-writing, just the reading, so … yeah. Might just read. And then read again.

And I kinda want to do it before we move house.

Yes, yesterday I learnt that we have put our property up for auction in December, after years of talking about it and never really doing anything about it. This after having a dream about us constantly moving and me panicking about not having enough room in my backpack to carry all of my super-important possessions, which was literally just my laptop, books and CDs. They do not all fit in my backpack.

It’s rather exciting. This is one of those big upheavals that gives the life a good airing-out and I feel a great sense of perspective on myself and my current situation, and I just wish I could get that without having to wait for these big external catalysts. But hey, at least it happened, right? And it’s not like this is going to suddenly solve all of my problems for me or anything, and neither did the last big Life-Changing Moment, though it certainly helped me out of a hole. And this has too. I still have to be the one who climbs out, though.

Thankfully this particular ‘hole’ is nowhere near as deep or dark as the last one; this is more of a ditch than a hole. But this has still helped me uproot all sorts of personal issues that I’ve been dealing with for … like, eleven years? Habits and attitudes that make me feel like a quite horrible person (which I suspect is not as true as I sometimes feel it is, but still) that I haven’t been able to focus on dealing with until now. So that’s nice. And I was getting there on my own, very gradually, before I heard about the move, so it’s not all just serendipitous external catalysts ushering me in the right direction, which is nice. I do have reasons to be able to rely on myself.

I’m going to miss this place, but I’m excited to be moving out – assuming the auction goes well. Otherwise we can just stay here. Which I don’t think I will for much longer – that’s been the main change so far for me personally, the rekindled desire to move out and go do grown-up stuff, only this time I actually feel like I can do it rather than just like I should do it. Though with study still not finished that may not be able to take place until about halfway through next year, as I doubt I’ll be able to earn enough to move out and still have time to study while passing all my papers. We shall see.

Nevertheless, it’s exciting, and it’s making me excited about writing, too. We’re also tidying up the house for the whole open home thing, and it’s amazing how new you can feel during Spring Cleaning (perhaps especially if your house is as unkempt as ours). So I’m just kind of generally buzzy at the moment, and it’s rather nice.

Though I still don’t really know what the right course of action is with this revision. The plan was just to read it quickly and get a feel for the rearranged events and see if they were something I wanted to build on, or what else would need to change for that to happen. So just reading it a bunch of times to get that sense of continuity might be the best bet, while somehow not getting too distracted by all the writing stuff I really want to change.

So yeah. That’s what’s happening. I also just want to mention the whole incest thing in City of Bones, because I left it out in my review/rant thingy: it’s very … I think this, more than anything else, is what makes it feel like a fan-work. But honestly it hardly registered for me, just because I already knew it was coming from having seen the movie. And actually perhaps the main reason I don’t really want to continue the series is because the main reason I would want to is just to find out if Clary and Jace actually are related, and how they … deal with that.

Which I really don’t want to be invested in to begin with, so yeah, no thanks.

But yay stuff is happening! And now to go tidy up some more.


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