Currently revising Tallulah, and I’ve realised one of the reasons I hate this ‘high school stuff’, and it has nothing to do with the high school setting.
It has to do with the fact that my main character is acting like a disembodied observer from an alien race sent to Earth to conduct an ethnographic study into the social rituals of human adolescents, and that’s not the tone I’m going for at all. This feels like it should be being played for laughs, and I’m trying to write a serious scene.
And the only reason I’m writing this new stuff is because of continuity errors that will arise if I leave things the way they are, despite this plan I’m meant to be sticking to, have written two posts about sticking to, was based around allowing for that continuity crap to happen, so that I could focus on structure.
Granted, continuity is part of the structure, but this is getting embarrassing. I’m coming up with scenes and interactions that end up being really distracting and are only there to … I dunno. Fill space? Explore character? I mean I want to explore character, but it’s all feeling like filler, so …
Okay. Found a way to bring it around. Kind of. Rather than ‘exploring’ character, as in just tossing random situations at them and making them cope, I’m ‘fleshing out’ character by tailoring the situations to their character. Because it’s a story. I know how to do that. All the stories. That is what I am able to do.
Though now that I’ve found a bit of a stride, it’s opening up exciting possibilities to look into with the next big overhaul. I feel there has to be one. I really don’t know if maybe I’ve just backed myself into a corner with this really slapdash revision plan, but there’s only one way to find out. I know at some point I’ll have to actually make myself sit down and go through the manuscript, line by line, and find a way to fit everything into my head, and a bunch of documents, as a map for editing it thoroughly and comprehensively, and then make myself actually do it. And part of why I’m doing this really skeletal revision is so that I don’t have to do that part.
But I do also need a more streamlined structure to work with. I don’t think I’ll be ready to send this off for publishing by the end of the year. But that’s okay. As long as it’s getting the attention it needs, I don’t really mind how long it takes.
And I’m getting really, ridiculously excited about my repeatedly-abandoned lifelong WIP, ever since I made the former designated love-interest the main character. It just … works. I’ve tried it before, but it’s never clicked like it has now. I think it was because I didn’t just swap the names and genders around; I just took the whole character and swapped them with another one, a kind of ‘what if’ scenario.
This also means that my former author avatar is now a prince, just to put the proverbial icing on the cake of self-aggrandizement. Which means I can hardly take it seriously anymore – which is fantastic. It’s become a parody of itself that nobody but me will understand or care about. But that’s fine.
I really want to write it.
And I really want to write Tallulah. Fully and devotedly. The way it deserves to be written.
I’ve made the decision to stop using Facebook for as long as I can hold out for. Just that simple decision gave me a rather profound sense of perspective and freedom, like without Facebook making my every move transparent and broadcast to the world at large (that’s how it feels anyway) I’m suddenly free to explore the internet in a way I haven’t been until now. A ridiculous false dichotomy, to be sure, but it’s a testament to just how much I let Facebook usage get into my head, and proves that I really do need a break. I’m thinking of keeping a journal. I feel that, sad as it sounds, a life without Facebook, in this day and age, might actually be worth chronicling.