I mean it’s Sunday and all, but still, I like to keep up momentum.
I wrote nothing all day; it’s 2am right now (so I guess it’s Monday, not Sunday) and I’ve just finished revising the new Chapter 4 of Tallulah, which is not quite how I wanted it but I am too damn tired to be bothered with that. I’m going to come back and revise it again later anyway, not least because the new and old prose really do not gel – most of what I got done tonight is what I want to be there. I just wanted a bit more, I guess.
I dunno. Maybe I’ll run through it again tomorrow and get it right. But part of the point with this particular revision was to get it done quickly, and then the next pass was going to be for the perfectionist in me to finally have free reign. I’ve got one more chapter to revise before this block of chapters is done, and then there’s three more blocks of five to go.
And I want to get them done quickly because I really want to rewrite it all. I could feasibly get this revision done before the end of this upcoming week. Which would be fantastic, because that way, even if I don’t manage to come back and revise it all before semester ends, I will have accomplished something and laid down some important groundwork, and won’t have to try and recapture the focus and momentum that I have going right now. I want to get this done before coursework cuts me off, basically.
I often lament that I can’t get what I have in my head down on paper. But I’m starting to realise that it’s because the idea in my head just isn’t that solid. It’s vivid, but not cohesive. Especially with rewriting this is becoming apparent; I’ll have a feeling or an image, or a sequence of images, that I’m trying to work from, and then when I try and slot them into the bigger picture of what’s already been written, of the characters as whole characters and not just temporary expressions of a static impression in my head, it warps and bends because it has to, otherwise it won’t fit.
Also, I didn’t start writing this thing until well after midnight. For that reason alone I may well go back and give my inner perfectionist an advance ticket, because while I love the idea of staying up late and waiting to get so tired that I lose all of my inhibitions, I also lose focus. And I need to be focused for this revision to work. I want to do it justice, and I can’t do that when I’m forcing myself to stay awake long enough to just fill up blank space with letters.
Lesson learned. Write seriously only before midnight. Before 8pm, really. Otherwise it basically cancels itself out.
Wouldn’t it be ironic if I go back and read it over tomorrow and it’s the best thing I’ve ever written?
Only one way to find out …